Thursday, September 02, 2010
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  Project Proverbs  
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  • The same work under the same conditions will be estimated differently by ten different estimators, or by one estimator at ten different times
  • The most valuable and least used word in a project manager's vocabulary is "NO"
  • You can con a sucker into committing to an unreasonable deadline, but you can't bully him into meeting it
  • The more ridiculous the deadline, the more it costs to meet it
  • The more desperate the situation, the more optimistic the situatee
  • Too few people on a project can't solve the problem - too many create more problems than they solve
  • You can freeze the clients specifications, but he won't stop expecting
  • Frozen specifications and the abominable snowman are alike :- they both are myths, and they both melt when sufficient heat is applied
  • The conditions attached to a promise are forgotten, and the promise is remembered
  • What you don't know hurts you
  • A client will tell you anything you ask - but nothing more
  • Of several possible interpretations of a communication, the least convenient one is the only correct one
  • What is not on paper has not been said
  • No major project is ever installed on time, within budget, and with the same staff that started it
  • Projects progress quickly until they become 95% complete; then they remain at 95% complete forever
  • If project content is allowed to change freely, then the rate of change will soon exceed the rate of progress
  • No major system is ever completely debugged; attempts to debug a system inevitably
  • Introduce new bugs that are even harder to find
  • Project teams detest progress reporting because it vividly demonstrates their lack of progress

       

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  Projects Definitions  

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Project Management Definitions

1

Contractor

A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal

2

Tender Opening

 A poker game in which the losing hand wins

3 

Tender

A wild guess carried out to two decimal places

4

Successful bidder

A contractor who is wondering what he left out

5 

In-house estimate

The cost of construction in heaven  

6 

Project Manager

The conductor in an orchestra in which every musician is playing a different tune

7

Construction claim

The contractor’s guess at the amount of money needed to transform a net loss into a gross profit

8

Critical Path Method

A management technique for losing your shirt under perfectly controlled conditions

9 

Strike

 An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken

10

Delayed payment

 A tourniquet applied at the pockets

11

Completion date

A point at which liquidated damages begin

12

Liquidated damages

A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible

13

Auditors

People who go in after the battle is lost and bayonet the wounded

14

Lawyers

People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies

      
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